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IMAGES AS PRSENTED DO NOT ALWAYS CONVERT SATISFACTORILY
North American
holiday on wheels
1989 TOYOTA DOLPHIN
This 21ft campervan is in immaculate condition, is fully provisioned and ready to go. Located in Los Angeles with agent who can pick you up at airport.
Price $US10,000
Telephone David on (07) 4124 2896 |
Rotary Club of
Hervey Bay, Qld.
Anniversary Rotary meeting for
current and past members at Hervey Bay Hotel, Esplanade, Pialba, Qld., on
Tuesday, May 24,
at 6.00p.m. for 6.30p.m.
Dress: Lounge suit
Enquiries: Ann Earle (07) 4124 2433 |
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A driver was waved down by a policeman who said he had been exceeding the speed limit.
The man said: ‘‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’’
Not looking up from her knitting, the man’s wife said: ‘‘Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’’
As the policeman wrote out the ticket, the driver looked over at his wife and growled: ‘‘Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?’’
The wife smiled coyly and said: ‘‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’’
So the policeman made out a second ticket for an illegal radar detector unit. The husband glowered at his wife and said through clenched teeth: ‘‘Darn it, woman, can't you put a sock in it?’’
The policeman frowned and said: ‘‘And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’’
The driver came back with: ‘‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my licence out of my back pocket.’’
The wife chipped in with: ‘‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.’’
And as the policeman was writing out the third ticket the driver turned to his wife and barks: "WHY DON'T YOU @%*& SHUT UP?’’
The officer looked over at the woman and asked: ‘‘Does your husband always talk to you this way?’’
Came the demure reply: ‘‘Only when he's been drinking.’’
PRESTON, VIC. |
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The main reason for having children’s birthday parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
WAGGA WAGGA-WOLLUNDRY, N.S.W.
Three applicants for the police force were present for their interviews.
The little boy asked his mother where he came from and she told him the stork brought him.
He then asked where she came from and was told the stork brought her too.
‘‘What about grandma,’’ the child then asked. ‘‘Where did she come from?’’
The mother replied that the stork brought grandma too.
‘‘Gee, mum,’’ said the boy, ‘‘doesn’t it worry you to think that there have been no natural births in this family for three generations?’’
clare, S.A.
The nice thing about becoming absent-minded is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
LOWER BLUE MOUNTAINS, N.S.W.
If you can begin the day without caffeine, if you treat rich and poor the same, if you conquer tension without medical help, if you can relax without liquor and if you can sleep without needing a pill the chances are you are the family dog.
HOBART, TAS.
A dietitian was addressing a large audience at a seminar. He said that red meats were awful, who knew how many germs there were in drinking water and soft drinks eroded the stomach lining.
Then he thundered: ‘‘But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’’
There was silence from the audience and then a little old man put up his hand.
‘‘Wedding cake?’’ he said.
NORFOLK ISLAND
Johnny was having trouble with mental arithmetic. When the teacher asked him what two plus two was, he counted on his fingers and came up with four. Then he was asked what three plus three was and he counted on his fingers to get six.
The teacher was not impressed that he was using his fingers. She told him to put his hands in his pockets and then asked him what five plus five was.
His answer was eleven.
clare, S.A. |
