WHAT'S ON
Jamming at Ballandean: Jazz in the Vineyard is an annual charity event organised co-operatively by Ballandean Estate Wines and the Rotary Club of Stanthorpe, Qld. Featuring international jazz musicians, this outdoor concert is interesting for jazz lovers and newcomers alike. The date this year is August 20. A dinner dance following the concert ensures the party continues until the early hours. Further details: Email jazz@ballandeanestate.com, facsimile (07) 4684 1288, telephone (07) 4684 1226.
Convict past is examined: Convicts: Sites of Punishment explores the Australian transportation system through the history and archaeology of nine convict sites in New South Wales, Tasmania, Norfolk Island and Western Australia. Eight of the nine sites have been proposed for World Heritage Listing. The display has photographs, illustrations, paintings, clothing and objects used for various punishments. The picture is of Old Bill Thompson from the 1870s and courtesy of Allport Library and Museum, State Library of Tasmania. The stories in the display are interesting. One tells how a convict came upon a dead kangaroo, climbed inside and hopped past the guard by impersonating a kangaroo, only to be shot by a soldier hunting for food. The exhibition is at the Hyde Park Barracks Museum, Macquarie Street, Sydney, N.S.W. Admission charges apply.
Busy time at the keyboard: Paul Lewis, a pianist of assured technique, plays three concerts with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra on July 29 and 30 and August 1. The first concert is at Monash University at suburban Clayton, Vic., and the other two are at the Arts Centre. Lewis will perform W.A. Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23, K488, with the orchestra under French conductor Pascal Tortelier. The concert also will have the Women of the Melbourne Chorale as the program has Ernest Chausson’s Viviane, a symphonic poem, and The Planets by Gustav Holst. The concerts have the title Reaching for the Stars. |
THE SHAGGY DOG
A butcher saw a dog in the shop. He shooed him away, but the dog was soon back. The man noticed the dog had a note in his mouth. The note read: ‘‘Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has some money in his mouth.’’
The butcher looked again and saw a $50 bill there. He took the money, and put the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher was impressed, and as it was close to closing he shut the shop and followed the dog.
The dog came to a pedestrian crossing where he put down the bag, jumped up and pressed the button. He then waited patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn.
He crossed the road with the butcher following him to a bus stop. The dog checked the timetable and took a seat on a bench.
Along came a bus, so the dog walked to the front, looked at the number and returned to his seat. Another bus came. Again the dog looked at the number. It was the right bus so he entered the door.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, followed. The bus travelled to the suburb where he got off, his meat order still in his mouth.
The dog turned into a garden. He walked up the path, muttered a bit and placed the meat order on the step.
Then he walked back down the path, took a big run and threw himself against the door. He did this several times but there was no answer.
The dog jumped up on a narrow wall, and walked along the perimeter of the garden. He got to the window, and rapped his paw against it several times before he returned to the door.
The butcher was amazed when a man opened the door and gave the dog two sharp smacks on the bottom, adding a few swear words.
The butcher intervened, saying: ‘‘What the heck are you doing? That dog is a genius. He could be on TV!’’
To which the man responded: ‘‘Clever, my foot! This is the second time this week that he’s forgotten his key.’’
Contributed by TONY LE BRETON
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A newspaper decided to test the moral stances of its employers. It gave them a fictional situation and asked them to answer truthfully. The scenario was:
You are a staff photographer in Florida on holidays at the same time as a major gathering of politicians.
A hurricane suddenly hits the area and you are caught in the middle of the chaos. Houses are being thrown through the air and people are being swept away in floodwaters.
You are trying to take some photographs for your newspaper.
Suddenly you see a group of men clinging to some debris in the raging tide. They look familiar as they are pounded by the current. They are world leaders and seem certain to drown.
You can either save them or take a dramatic photograph.
Give an honest answer to this question. Would you select expensive high contrast colour film or would you go with classic black and white?
tamworth first light, N.S.W.
England’s West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, a woman peered through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting-looking books. So she went inside.
A woman soon appeared though a beaded curtain and asked: ‘‘Can I help you?’’
‘‘No, just browsing,’’came the reply.
‘‘Fine,’’ was the response. ‘‘But so you know, around here most people knock before entering someone’s home.’’
Lower blue mountains, N.S.W.
A punter saw a priest at the races and decided to follow him. The priest went to the horse stalls and sprinkled water on one galloper. It strolled in with the punter backing it.
The priest carried out the same procedure on another horse and it won easily. The punter had an all-up bet and was overjoyed.
When he saw the priest attend a third horse he plunged his winnings, only to see the horse falter and drop dead.
Annoyed, he found the priest and berated him.
Came the calm reply: ‘‘You should go to church. Then you would know the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites.’’
HINDMARSH, S.A.
An archaeologist is the best husband a wife can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
GUNNEDAH, N.S.W.
(With thanks to Agatha Christie) |
