A mature-aged man walked into a jewellery store on Friday afternoon with an attractive young woman on his arm. He told the jeweller he wanted a special ring for the woman. A ring selling for $5,000 was displayed. Said the potential customer: ‘‘I don’t think you understand the depth of my love for this woman.’’ The jeweller headed for his special stock and returned with a ring for $100,000. The woman’s eyes sparkled and the man said he would take it. ‘‘A wise choice,’’ gushed the jeweller. ‘‘And how will you be paying today?’’ The man replied: ‘‘I will pay by cheque. But you of course will feel better if you know everything is in order. I’ll write the cheque today, you can telephone the bank on Monday, then telephone me and I’ll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon.’’ On Monday morning a sour jeweller telephoned the man and told him the cheque had bounced. ‘‘You lied to me. You knew there was not enough money in that account,’’ moaned the jeweller. ‘‘Well,’’ came the reply. ‘‘You still have the ring and I had a wonderful weekend.’’ leeton, n.s.w.

The union was checking the small company on how the staff was paid. The manager said the machinists got $800 a week and those in the office $600 a week each.
Then the manager mumbled that one dim-witted fellow put in 18 hours a day and took home $100 a week.
‘‘That’s the fellow we want to see,’’ said the union official.
‘‘Keep talking,’’ said the manager.
‘‘That dimwit is me.’’
BRIGHTON, S.A.

A baby turtle at the bottom of a large tree uttered a long sigh and then slowly climbed to the highest branch.
He walked along the branch to the end and then spread his flippers, launching himself into space.
Down he went to the forest floor with a thud. After a while he sighed again and climbed the tree to the highest branch.
Two little birds watched this and as he prepared to jump off the branch again the female bird said: ‘‘Don’t you think we should tell him he is adopted?’’
COBRAM, VIC.

For years a man was treated for his fear that every night when he switched out the lights somebody was hiding under the bed.
In the end he decided to change doctors as he was not making any progress.
His former doctor ran across him shopping one day and asked how he was getting along.
‘‘Great! I am cured!’’ he said. ‘‘I no longer believe that there is anyone under the bed.’’
The puzzled doctor said: ‘‘How come? Nothing I tried worked.’’
Came the reply: ‘‘It was easy. One session only. The new doctor told me to cut the legs off my bed.’’
HINDMARSH, S.A.

Two old mates, Bert and Norm, were walking home after a night on the booze. There was no money for a taxi and staggering along they found themselves in front of a bus depot.
Bert had a brainwave and said to his friend: ‘‘Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home. I’ll stay out here and look out for the police.’’
After breaking into the depot Norm was gone for 20 minutes. Bert began to wonder what was happening.
Bert stepped inside the depot and saw his mate running from bus to bus. Norm was looking very worried.
Urged to get a move on, Norm replied: ‘‘I can’t find a No. 7 anywhere.’’
Bert, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouted: ‘‘You idiot, Norm, steal a No. 9 and we’ll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!’’
queanbeyan, N.S.W.