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A woman went into a pharmacy and asked for some arsenic. The chemist said he could not sell a poison like that, but trying to be helpful he asked what she wanted to do.
The answer was that she wanted to kill her husband.
‘‘Goodness!’’ said the chemist. ‘‘Why do that?’’
The reason was that he was having an affair and the woman produced a compromising photograph of her husband and the chemist’s wife.
The chemist looked at the photograph for a moment and then said: ‘‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription.’’
albury, n.s.w.
Doctors at a hospital are on strike and picketing. Hospital officials will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can arrange for a pharmacist to read the picket signs!
contributed
‘‘A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead."
Stan Laurel
At a church service, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead . . . as the church grew quiet, a little boy turned to his father and said excitedly: ‘‘Dad, you have some of their albums!"
contributed
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.
‘‘Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
‘‘There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
‘‘Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar: ‘‘You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back. ‘‘Two pints."
contributed
A doctor saw one of his senior patients walking along the avenue with a stunning brunette in a fur coat and looking happy.
The next day he was promenading with a dazzling blonde in a body-hugging dress and looking happy.
The third day he kept his appointment with the doctor who said that the old fellow seemed to be doing well.
‘‘Yes,’’ said the senior. ‘‘I have been following your advice from my previous appointment . . . get a hot momma and be cheerful.’’
The doctor looked hard at the patient and said: ‘‘What I said was you have a heart murmur, so be careful.’’
LOWER BLUE MOUNTAINS, n.s.w. |
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Two heads are better than one. Kissing goes to prove it.
mitcham, S.A.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
hindmarsh, s.a. |
