A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger he shouted over to the man, ‘‘Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!" (Don't drink the water. It's poisoned!)

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and again yelled, ‘‘Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!"(Don't drink. Water's poisoned. Sheep crap in the water.)

Still the man couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said, ‘‘Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!"

(Water's poisoned. Don't drink it!)

‘‘I'm dreadfully sorry, my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said. Can't you speak English?" said the man at the stream in an extremely fine British accent.
‘‘Oh I see . . ." said the farmer. ‘‘I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get plenty more in."
LOWER BLUE MOUNTAINS, N.S.W.

AWorld’s shortest fairy tale.
Once upon a time, a handsome young man fell in love with a beautiful girl.
He asked her to marry him but she said NO!
So he spent the rest of his life gambling, smoking, chasing other women and drinking as much beer as he liked.
KEILOR EAST, VIC.

The mark of a good party is that you wake up the next morning wanting to change your name and start a new life in a different city.
Vance Bourjaily, Esquire.

An elderly man and his wife decided to lunch at a popular restaurant, but did not have a booking.
They were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
The husband said: ‘‘We are both 90 years old. We might not have 45 minutes.’’
They were seated immediately.
TAMWORTH, N.S.W.

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So, if you are going to pinch your neighbour’s newspaper that is the time to do it.
stones corner, Qld.

Three explorers were lost in the jungle, wandering along with no food and little water.
Suddenly they came to a clearing with a restaurant for cannibals. They dragged themselves to the front door and read the billboard.
It listed par-boiled priests at $12, roasted hunters at $14 and steamed politicians at $198.50.
They struggled in and took a table.
The waiter was asked: “We wonder about your prices. The first two seem right, but why are the politicians so dear?’’
The waiter replied: ‘‘Are you kidding? Did you ever try to get one of the them to come clean?’’
GLADSTONE- PORT CURTIS, QLD.

This advertisement appeared in the Singles column of a newspaper.
‘‘Single black female, good looking and loves to play. Likes long walks and cosy nights by the fire. Rub me the right way and watch my response. I’ll greet you at the front door, wearing only what nature gave me.’’
More than 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local RSPCA about an eight-week-old Labrador pup.
ASHMORE, QLD.

A farmer, stopped for speeding, was lectured by an officer who liked to throw his weight around.
When he got around to writing the ticket he kept swatting at flies buzzing around his head.
The farmer said: ‘‘Having some problems with circle flies?’’
The traffic policeman said he had never heard of such flies.
The farmer said they were called circle flies as they were found circling around the back end of a horse.
‘‘Are you calling me a horse’s ass?’’ asked the policeman.
Came the reply: ‘‘Oh no. I have too much respect for law enforcement to do that. Hard to fool the flies though.’’
wetherill park, n.s.w.