SMILES

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The supermodel was driving home in a flashy sports car when she was caught in a hailstorm. It was over as soon as it began. She pulled into a service station and asked the mechanic what she could do about some tiny dents. As the dents were so small, the mechanic decided to have some fun and told her to drive home, let the car cool down and then blow into the exhaust pipe. Within minutes the dents would pop out. Arriving home, the glamour girl soon was huffing and puffing on the exhaust pipe without effect when her yuppie partner arrived. He wondered what was up and heard of the mechanic’s advice. The boyfriend rolled his eyes to Heaven and said he could not believe what she was doing. ‘‘Duh,’’ he said. ‘‘You have to wind the windows up first.’’ HINDMARSH, S.A. Three tradesmen were discussing what was the oldest trade. The carpenter argued that as the ark was build of timber, his trade was the oldest. The stonemason said that the pyramids were made of large stones, so his craft was the oldest. Not so, argued the electrician, adding: ‘‘Way back when God said ‘let there be light’ we already had the cables laid.’’ STONES CORNER, QLD. The clergyman was discussing the Sunday service with the organist. He said that at the end of his sermon he would ask that any person wishing to donate a new car for the cleric’s use should stand up.

He said that at this time the organist should play the appropriate music.
‘‘The appropriate music?’’ wondered the organist. ‘‘And what would that be?’’
The clergyman replied: ‘‘The national anthem.’’
BRIGHTON, S.A.

Appropriate words for a tombstone . . .
For a hippie: ‘‘Don’t dig me, I’m gone’’.
For a waiter: ‘‘God caught his eye at last’’.
For a pinball addict: ‘‘Don’t tilt’’.
For a lawyer: ‘‘The defence rest’’.
A gentleman: ‘‘Excuse me for not rising’’.
CHESTER HILL, N.S.W.

A little girl living on a new housing estate watched a building team construct a house next door.
The team adopted her as a mascot and gave her odd jobs to do. At the end of the week they gave her a $5 in an envelope as a pay packet.
The little girl and her mother on Monday morning went off to the bank to add the $5 to her account.
They told the teller how she had earned the money and he chattily asked: ‘‘And will you be working on the house this week too?’’
The reply came: ‘‘I will be if those useless b......s at the hardware shop ever bring us more plasterboard.’’
LEETON, N.S.W.